The Biggest Misnomer of All Time

Along with my position on the globe, partly shifting base to Dubai has gradually brought about a change in several aspects of my life. Mentally, it has matured me from a person who used to quietly take shit and give none in return, to a harsh being who has no qualms with spiteful diatribes and cutting away relationships when they get too much to handle. Emotionally, it has strengthened me in such a way that sympathy, empathy and wistful memories exist, but fail to affect me beyond that particular point around which they start hampering my mental state. Naivety now, is almost a thing of the past. Physically, I’ve slimmed down substantially; even it was the wrong way to do so (Minimal consumption of repulsive hostel food and exercise limited only to running up and down the stairs of the building, however many times it may have been in a day). Though that particular development didn’t last long, now that the vacations have settled in on my already not-so-lithe frame!

But most significant of all, is my intellectual transformation – an evolutionary process for my mind that had been largely accelerated last year. One that continues on till today. Particularly nasty fallouts occurred between me and a few friends ultimately causing a severe breach in the relationships I had held on to as tightly as a part of my own self for a whole year. I wouldn’t like to go into the whole ‘who was right and who was wrong’ of the situation, as that would be congruent to getting superfluously hostile on a public forum. But one thing I can say, quoting the standard dialogue of genuinely one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, Deepak Srinivas of Apartment 403 C, “Whatever happens, happens for the better”. Anyhow, so as to avoid further digression from the central idea of this post, I leave the happenings of the past, to the past.

The point of going into all the afore mentioned details was to bring to the forefront, the justification I have for deriving an alternate meaning to a word that everyone knows, but none can really describe. According to me, the biggest misnomer to ever exist is love. Sceptical? Cynical? Or plain sarcastic? You might have the inclination, as well as the right to be any of those. But even though my opinion and the rationale behind it seem far-fetched, since they’re both so radically opposite to universal belief, freedom of thought and its expression are both fundamental rights of mine as well. So, whether they coincide with your opinion or not is none of my concern.

On opening the second last or last page of Delhi Times on any day of the week at any time of the year, invariably at least one piece about so-and-so celebrity’s marriage being on the rocks is always present, without exception. If you crack open the same pages, say of six months, or even one week in the past, you’ll probably be lucky enough to find a snippet on the same celeb’s successful married life, and reams upon reams of archived proof on the internet of how much the couple was ‘in love’. And yet, when their alliance does come to an end, it’s mostly not even amicable. In fact, it’s far from it, involving vicious court cases and cold wars. The famous friendship turns to an even more famous feud.

This is an extreme case. But what about the other cases we commonly see around us? The make-ups and break-ups we keep witnessing all the time? The desperate compulsion that so many people have of displaying their affection, rather than actually experiencing it? What happens to this 'love' that people so flamboyantly put on show, once they break up? How does it convert to hatred? Or if not something so extreme, platonic, neutral and detached? How can love fizzle away like this? How can love possibly rest on such a flimsy thread, which has the possibility of fracturing at any moment?

True love exists. No doubt. But solely between a parent and a child. That, is unconditional, absolute, veritable love. No matter how horrible the parent is to the child, or how miserable, hopeless or shameful the offspring is, one’s reflective longing for the other (even if it is passive) never ceases to exist. The love between them is of a non-sexual, unadulterated nature. It’s completely natural, and was born with the birth of the individual itself. And it takes a hell of a lot to put that kind of love to an end. And if at this point, you’re thinking of disownments, trust me, they’re purely for social recognition. The love within never fades. Exceptions, however exist in everything. Say if a parent is guilty of something unspeakably blasphemous, like raping the offspring or something, then development of hatred is justified. On the other hand, marriages all over, more often than not, break up over much trivial issues, with not even a hint of wistfulness in the outset.

I’m not refuting the fact that ‘something’ exists between two ‘lovers’. All I’m saying is, that it’s not love. It is incorrect usage of a term that in reality is never hindered by superficial blunders. Young lovers have a deep sense of affection, heightened greatly because of raging hormones, physical and/or intellectual attraction and a deep sense of security and freedom. Hence, quite understandably, it is conveniently written off as love. In fact, science itself has proven that the feelings induced by ‘love’ last barely a few months into wedlock, after which, the longevity of the relationship depends only on the sense of friendship, companionship and trust that the couple have towards each other. Add a bit of carnal spice to it, and you have the perfect match.

This whole idea can be seen as the mindless ramblings of a foolish teenager. Or as the natural tendencies of the Libran (that is me) to always weigh the practical, rational side of things rather than the emotional ends of them (I’ve been reading a bit of Linda Goodman myself…). Or even as the 'withdrawal symptoms of a failed relationship'. But think about it. Consider it. And then form an opinion. Mindlessly following convention is more rebellious to the truths of nature than going against it.

However, since the word ‘love’ has been set as the convention to describe the funny, bouncy feeling one gets when they find their companion (for life or for a few days, whichever applicable), I can do nothing other than adopt it as well. Though, this little glaring discrepancy in the modern view of love doesn’t change reality. At least for me.